Rebuild

Writer’s Note: This post is a direct continuation to a piece published here a year ago titled One Year Later, the idea of which was inspired by UTSC’s Dear First Year Me video. If you have not read it yet, I highly suggest doing so before proceeding with the entry below. Think about it as a novel of some sorts with two parts to it, one that creatively paints my testimony about my stay at UTSC ACF. All that aside, glory be to God as He continues to change me but by His grace.

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Dear First Year Me,

Okay, I understand how you’re probably irritated at me right now. I mean, who wakes up at 8:00 AM on a Friday? (Looking on the brighter side of things, TGIF!) But before you change your mind about joining the prayer meeting or not, let me continue to reason with you how joining UTSC ACF this morning will be the best decision you’ve made during your stay at UTSC. Go ahead, turn on the TV and grab some pizza while I continue the story.

This part will hurt a lot, but hear me out on this: God will use this fellowship to break apart who you think you are as a follower of Christ and as a person. By the end of your first year with them, you’ll find yourself in the running for the body’s leadership. Thinking you have what it takes to lead you’ll accept your nomination, come in to election day with Matt Chandler-like swagger, and have the mindset that you already had the position locked in.

The next day, however, while sharing some BBQ wings the mood will drastically change. You’ll be told that you didn’t get elected. In the days that will pass, you’ll see yourself defaulting to the comfort of your home and your XBOX 360 while contemplating on what could’ve been. Someone close to you who got elected to the team will remind you that position is not important in serving God. It’ll take a while for you to understand what this person meant, you'll just want the exam season to end and to get out of UTSC for the summer as soon as you could. As if the academic load wasn’t enough, the disappointment you’ll feel will make you want to leave even more.

And there you’ll be, broken and desperate for answers that only God and His sovereign will can provide. Yet a month later, as much as you’d want to not be in school, you’ll find yourself there anyway but for another reason: someone will be starting a small group for the guys. You know how this discipleship model works, thus it’ll be a no-brainer for you to join. The healing process will start, but not in the way you’ll expect it. The people in the small group will be celebrating your highs and lamenting your lows, yet what you’ll need the most during this season will be a lot of rebuke. It will hurt a lot, but the reproach you’ll be receiving will be beneficial as God will open other opportunities for you to be used, like at your local church’s music worship team. It’ll be by then that you finally understood what was told to you when you felt disappointed about the leadership elections. Knowing that serving God is indeed not about position, the labels attached to you as you serve will no longer matter. You’ll just want to serve.

The rest of the summer will pass quicker than you think, yet not without opportunities to build relationships and memories. During the convocation downtown, you’ll have the opportunity to celebrate with a brother who has successfully finished his stay in the university. As fun as that day will be, it’ll also be a great reminder about how your stay is shorter than you think. You’ll look back to that day knowing that in a couple years’ time, that will be you wearing the same cap and gown. You’d find yourself praying that by then, you would’ve made the most of every moment you’ll have. That day will become an eye-opener to you that above everything else, being in this fellowship is about building relationships and memories that go beyond your stay as a student. A couple days later during the summer retreat, you’ll make it a point to actually build relationships with those around you. And that relationship-building will be facilitated through sharing three days with brothers and sisters in a cottage stripped of almost every comfort you have as a city dweller. Best part is, though, you’ll be getting massive amounts of coffee during breakfast every morning. (No sugar or cream, however.)

By the time you come back to school in the fall, you will have a full change in mindset compared to how you were at the end of your freshman year. And at the get-go, this school year will be different because a couple days in, you’ll be asked by the leadership team to facilitate a small group. To make it less scary for you, you’ll be leading it alongside someone who will be mentoring you. Seeing it as a win-win setup, discipling others while being discipled yourself, you’ll accept it disregarding your weaknesses knowing that God’s grace has you covered. Sometime down the year, you’ll question yourself if you’re even being effective. But a reminder about what this is really about will keep you going; it is not about effective communication skills or knowing your Bible from cover to cover, it is about letting God use you to speak life into others.

The rest of the year will pass as you find yourself having opportunity after opportunity to serve and to build relationships. During the Christmas break, you’ll find yourself in an unfortunate situation through having your home lose its power supply because of the ice storm. The timing is very unfortunate knowing you’ll be leading music worship both in your local church and at the winter retreat the same week. Yet it is in these moments that you’ll see how relationships matter the most as a brother will open up his place for you to stay for a night. You’ll be reluctant at first, but going home the next day once your house has power again, you’ll be thankful for his hospitality. (You know who you are, brother. Thank you very much. Major props as well to another fellowship member who also took care of me that day, and to a couple others who constantly checked up on me during that time.)

Getting worn out during the holidays will make you reflect upon how much you serve once the winter term starts. And as much as being in the spotlight as a music worship leader is one of your greatest passions, you’ll challenge yourself for a season by stepping away from it. Leaving for a season will mean focusing on other things, like your small group which at this point will be totally up to your leading. It will also mean reflecting upon what the purpose of worship really is; not just serving with time and talents but a response to the Gospel and its implications upon us sinful men and women. As you visit various conferences during the free time you will have, you’ll discover different traditions from the hymns-and-keyboard-only to ones that almost look like those worship concerts you grew up listening to. The approaches may vary differently, yet the rationale remains the same.

The rest of the winter semester will go down to be brutal because of the weather, yet fun because of the memories you’ll be able to share. Prior to the end of the year, you’ll find yourself yet again in the same position as you were during your freshman year: a nominee for a possible leadership role. Taking all the lessons you've learned from what will be a roller coaster type of a year, you’ll carefully pray and discern this time if you should accept it again. And after much consideration you’ll find yourself stepping up, this time with little to almost no confidence coming in to election day. (You’ll be shaking so much, you’d be joking around after that you’ve never been so thankful for podiums your entire life until that moment!) Contrary to last year, this time by you’ll be elected. Initially, you’ll feel elated about the opportunity. Yet when it sinks in, you’ll realize how this will not be about what you can bring to the table, but what God can do through your strengths and weaknesses.

You’ll leave UTSC for the summer that year excited for your junior year, as well as taking in the lessons you’ve learned from the year that will pass. That when serving in the body of Christ, it is not about your position or the label attached to your service. It is, rather, about a continuous offering of oneself as a living sacrifice. Such position is in light of what your Father has done for a man like you who once stood opposed to Him. Beyond that, being in the fellowship is about building relationships and sharing life together with those around you. Yes, it will be messy from time to time. But as I’ve said to you before, the investments you’ll make here will come back to you in a way you’d least expect it.

So go ahead. Put on your best outfit, grab that fresh cup of Tims, and get to the prayer meeting today as soon as you could. Who knows what you’ll miss out.

In Christ Alone,

JohnDy

Reverence in a Dry Season

Have you ever entered a season where you weren’t able to feel God’s presence? Or that you couldn’t hear the Lord’s voice even if He were sitting right next you?

 I know I have and unfortunately I am still presently in the midst of one. I feel like there’s a thick brick wall, measuring about thirty feet high, between myself and God. As hard as I would struggle to lift it up, I would always become too weak and too tried to even try.

In fact, this blog post, much like my walk with God at the moment, has been really hard for me to complete. This is a quite frightening thought considering, as many of you may know, how much I am able to write.

From the time I got saved, I have been privileged with the joy to walk in close proximity with God. All day long, my mind would be filled with songs of praise and worship each time I felt Him near. I would pray with Him for hours with little conversations to the point where I would even lose track of time. Even climbing up a flight of stairs would be a moment of praise for me, because I knew He had helped me to do it. Each morning from the moment I woke up, He was the first thing on my mind and when He wasn’t I would start repenting.

During this period, I felt so eager to pray and my soul would always thirst for a moment that I could sneak away and be alone with God. I felt so at peace and in awe that a God, who is so high and mighty, would even take the time to think of me. To sum up, I grew in love with God.

So when I felt the effects of a dry season coming on about a few weeks ago, it was all the more devastating to me.

At first, it wasn’t noticeable. I guess like a physically dry season, it was hot on some days and cold the next. My dullness in prayer didn’t come all at once. It was a slow change.  Eventually my heart felt a little less focused on God and became more preoccupied on worldly matters, such as school, work, friends, or family. Soon afterwards, I finally began to feel the unbearable weight of my weary prayers and how much I had changed from the month before.

Little by little, I walked into a dry season without even noticing. It’s weird how we are so easily deceived, if we don’t pay close enough attention.

As it is written in Mark 13: 35, when Jesus instructs the disciples that they should be ready for the last days, "Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back--whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn.”

Or even 1 Peter 5:8: “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

Looking back, there were many signs that I had developed, which I should of picked up on. I’m not saying that these are standard warning signs that every one goes through before they enter into a dry season. But here are a few things I discovered from going through one:

      1. I started praying less:

For me this was the first symptom. I don’t know exactly how it started. Perhaps it was just from the mere exhaustion of the day or the need to have a sense of accomplishment. Either way, the results were the same. I wanted to get on with my busy day and so my prayers got shorter and shorter. The strange thing was that the circumstances were even better during this season compared to when I worked two part-time jobs in the summer while attending school and going through with all-night prayer. Not trying to brag or anything, but there was literally no excuse for my actions!

2.  I started to read less of the Bible:

When I first started reading the Bible, I had this mindset that I would get it done in one year. I had simply read many parts of the Bible, because I felt this need to get it done. I did this out of the mindset of “I must” so I will remain in God rather than “I want” to, because He is worthy of my adoration and affections towards Him.

But this led me down a path of starvation for God’s Word. I knew that the way I had been reading the Bible was wrong and I did not heed the instruction given by the Holy Spirit to cease this kind of devotion. I just read it in order to check it off my daily list of achievements throughout the day.

By no means am I saying that reading the Bible is boring. I really did enjoy the quiet times during the day when I could read it on the bus or during a lunch break at work, where mediating on the Word would fill me. But, by viewing the daily reading of the Bible as a labour, I ended up feeling more drained rather than taking the time to appreciate the goodness of God’s word.

3.   I felt as though my prayers barely reached the ceiling:

I knew this without a fraction of a doubt that something was wrong in the way I communed with God. I can’t describe it very well, but I felt this lull as I prayed where I didn’t know for the first time whether the Lord had heard me or not. So I started asking God what was it that I had been doing wrong and I began repenting for just about anything. I knew that God would never leave me and so I felt I had done something wrong, which was breaking our fellowship. My heart felt really tired and I started putting up this front that surely God would deliver me at any moment, so I didn’t have to worry. Therefore, I didn’t have to do anything. Like other times God would save the day and would lift up my spirit from this despondence. Yet, this was the trap I set before myself that led me deeper into the way of sin.

4.  I became restless and not focused in spending time with God:  

When I stopped reading the Word as often and began to pray less, my heart started to wander off and find other things to do in order to fill this empty space of time. On top of taking a full course load and doing a part-time job, I started looking for other projects or volunteer opportunities to be apart of. Before, I was absolutely ecstatic in just getting a minute of God to myself. It as if it was just me and Him and the world around us would fade. But now I had hours to do other work and was utterly miserable in toil.

     5. I missed church for a few weeks due to other commitments or disagreements about false teaching:

When my heart began to become more harden towards abiding in the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I began to miss a few services at church. However, I do have to provide a bit of context here as to why I missed church in the first place.

Over the past few months, I have been having a few on-going debates with my mother over the subject of theology and false doctrine being preached in her church. As much as I respected the pastor of that church, the sermons only reviewed one verse in Scripture (Genesis 12:2). This same verse has been examined for nearly a year now. I’m not saying that this is wrong.  Since every word in Scripture is weightier than the next and great knowledge can be attained through the study of just one verse. Unfortunately, the messages that were delivered always had greater emphasis on the teaching of prosperity. Anyways, this caused reluctance in me to go to church and instead I was always striving to find a new one that I could attend.

But, nevertheless I should have attended these services out of respect for God rather than staying at home to pray. No matter what season I am in, my soul always feels incredibly thirsty if I miss church. Since the Holy Spirit is filling and even fills me more when I am in the presence of the body of Christ.

6.  I felt miserable and just about anything made me tick!  

When I had finally reached the deepest stretches of the dry season and endeavored through all the symptoms, the joy in my heart from Christ began to leave me little by little. I became more tired, more irritated, more embittered, and more unloving! I started to become more like the world and slowly drifted away from conforming to the image of Christ.

I absolutely despised this. Once I tasted of the Lord’s joy, there is nothing like it and filling my life with meaningless things, like school or work, made it all the more difficult to come back to Him.

The Breaking Point:

This is when I finally reached my breaking point. Suddenly people just became so intolerable to be with and I slowly started to lose my patience in almost every situation I encountered. Even some of my friends began to observe the drastic change in my attitude towards them. Despite their gentle nudge to calmly point out my own faults, I would take their comments in offence and would soon become indignant towards them. Normally, when I was in the place of prayer before God, forgiveness would come so readily. I wouldn’t have this urge to wait around or calm myself before I faced that person again. That’s when I knew that even the fruits I bore where not even comparable to the ones that Jesus desired for us to produce.

I gradually began to feel really sad and I wanted to be alone all the time. I thought I must have had depression or maybe I was taking on too much responsibility. Then to add insult to injury, the circumstances in my life just seemed to progress into a state of complete chaos and utter confusion.  I was having problems with my supervisor over job-related issues at work that I thought I would never commit in my life. But the difficulties didn’t stop here. They just seemed to trickle down into all aspects of my life. The worst was at home, where it actually came to the point where I couldn’t even stand to be in the presence of my own mother!!

And My Breakdown:

Then it finally happened. I just broke down before God. Thankfully, Jesus gave me the grace to have this moment at home rather than on a subway or at work. I cried out to God for mercy and to forgive me for my idolatry and idleness in delaying my time to consecrate myself before Him. I ultimately confessed to God that I didn’t have anything to offer Him, but my heart and asked whether He was willing to accept the offering from a beggar like me. I said my flesh is so weak and my heart fails within me. But that my only hope is in the sacrifice you made at Calvary for me and in your Spirit to guide me back home to you.

I wish I could say that I felt this new profound feeling of praise and joy right after that moment, but I didn’t. In fact, I started crying for days and I couldn’t stop. Especially at night, my pillow would be stained with tears. This was so weird for me, because I didn’t even cry at my grandmother’s funeral! All I knew was that I have never lamented like this before. Each time when I humbled myself and began to put aside my selfish ways or desires in order to pray, I would start weeping and I have to say it was extremely refreshing.

But these moments of penitence were just little splashes of relief that God would allow me to possess. He would give me sips of water for the long journey ahead, but it never compared to the jug of water I used to consume when I felt God was with me. I finally understood the verses that David poured out in…

Psalm 13: “How Long, O Lord?”  

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I take counsel in my soul
    and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
    light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death,
⁴ lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,”
    lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
    my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing to the Lord,
    because he has dealt bountifully with me.”
    steady the knees that give way
⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,
    “Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
    he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
    he will come to save you.”
    and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
⁶ Then will the lame leap like a deer,
    and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
    and streams in the desert.”

³ Consider and answer me, O Lord my God;

⁵ But I have trusted in your steadfast love;

And that’s exactly what I did. I asked God to examine the content of my heart and to remove anything that led me to stray away from Him.  Like always, God was faithful to me and allowed all of my deep-seated issues to rise to surface of my heart, where they had finally been revealed so that I could repent of them.

Hard lessons:

One of the main obstacles that I had been struggling during this season with was that I was searching for this “feeling” to acknowledge that the Lord’s presence was near me.  Not only had I been neglecting the daily devotion of absorbing in His Word, but I also kept on trying to go back to a position where I “felt” right with God. Oftentimes we are too quick to place our intimate relationship with God into the category of mere human emotion and this is a grave injustice.  It is something WAY beyond our comprehension. To understand the ways of an infinite and most High God, like ours, with our limited capacity of knowledge would be an insult to the Lord!

What I learned was…

1.    The fact that I don’t feel God’s presence doesn’t mean that He is not there. God is and always has been there, whether I am too blind to see it or not. He is omnipresent, meaning He is present everywhere and at anytime! My emotions soon became an idol that I had clung onto in order to understand the ways of the Lord.  However, you see, we cannot trust our emotions, because they are always subject to change. Particularly, this occurs when our present circumstances seem to oppose us and nothing seems to work in our favour.  It is usually at this time when the devil takes notice and begins to attack us in more ways than we can count. Believe me, Satan has watched you for years and so he knows what makes you tick.

I was reminded of a verse that put all my anxieties and fears to rest. It’s from Isaiah 40: 12:

“Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?”

God literally holds the universe in His hands and how comforting a thought it was for me to know that I didn’t have to worry about a thing, because God is always in control. My emotions meant nothing since it even says in the Bible in Jeremiah 17:9, that are hearts are dreadfully deceitful that no one can ever understand it. So good riddance to emotions and prepare to hear the truth of God’s Word!  

 2. The second thing was that I kept trying to earn God’s affections as if He were a man. I am not saved by works, but I am made righteous through faith in the power of the blood that was shed for me by our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Nothing else! 

I would always refer to James 2:26: “As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.” in order to justify that I needed to work in order to maintain my faith. Unfortunately, I had taken this entire passage in James 2:14-26 out of context to almost create a works-based system of righteousness. 

Like anytime I would pray, I would ask God, where’s my reward? Where’s the plaque that I can hang up on my wall saying I have fasted for you? Or served as a leader in my fellowship…have I earned more of your love or will I be showered with more grace?

But all work is vanity if it’s not done for the glory of God! Yes, indeed it is true that faith without works is dead. Since the lack of righteous deeds that we commit reveals an unchanged life or a spiritually dead heart. Many verses in Scripture can attest for this notion that true faith results in a regenerated heart, which compels us to preform “works” that can testify for the working of the Holy Spirit in us. Therefore, if our faith is in Jesus, then we will naturally be inclined to do work and live a life that serves to glorify His name. I think Heather Lindsey, the founder of the Christian organization called Pinky Promise, puts it best, “How we live reveals what we believe and whether the faith we profess to have is a living faith. Works are not the cause of salvation; works are the evidence of salvation”

Again it says in Ecclesiastes 2:11: “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.”

This video pretty much sums up what I have been learning throughout this dry season. Though I’m not a guy (despite the fact that I often times act like one) and most of this stuff doesn’t really apply to me, like having a wife or kids. I still feel it’s a good lesson that we could all take in and learn from. It’s a spoken word by Jefferson Bethke about “A Man & His Idols”. If you have the time, I would highly recommend that you check it out:  

Some Lotion during the Dry Season:  

I’ve been reading this book recently called “Surviving Your Wilderness” by Dan Kolenda. He is a missionary evangelist as well as the President of Christ for all Nations, which has allowed him to have massive campaigns in some of the most dangerous and remote locations in the world. I would really encourage you to read it if you have been feeling the burden of a dry season. Plus, unlike this blog, it’s really short!

Here are a few tips I got from the book that I think are worth noting:

1. Don’t panic!

Refuse your natural tendency to let your imagination run wild and let your Spirit be still to know that Jesus is God. Jesus is always in control. Take a deep breath and remind yourself of who God is, His character, and that your identity has been established in Christ. Recall all the moments in your life when you witnessed God’s faithfulness towards you and stay alert, because this is when the enemy will fill your head with lies about God’s love for you.  Like it says in 1 John 4:18: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

2. Assess your situation:

Take stock of the resources that God has given you for the journey and use them. Also, examine the kind of wilderness you are in, such as if your in a season of promotion or opposition. This will help you better understand how to navigate through it.

Ø  Above all, we have the Word of God on our side! When our circumstances and problems seem to overwhelm us, we must rely on the truth contained within Scripture to sustain us. This is especially true when the enemy tries to take advantage of our wilderness and fill our head with lies and temptations. An example I always look toward is Jesus and how He dealt with His temptation in His own wilderness. He responds to the devil by quoting Scripture. In Matthew 4:4 it says, Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"

Ø  Fellowship of the saints: Since we are all members in the body of Christ, we grieve as one body. If one of us gets hurt, we all do! In Ephesians 6, in verse 18 it states, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.” After reading this book I learned that in the entire passage it mentions protecting everything, but our backs! That’s because we are supposed are supposed to be looking out for one another and defending each other in battle. Particularly, during a dry season, we have to surround ourselves with brothers and sisters that will pray for you with purpose and perseverance.   

3. Find Shelter:  

Know that God is present to you now more than ever, and hide yourself in Him. God works in us the most during a dry season when we are at our weakest.

4. Build a Fire: 

Continue to make time for God. However little it may be, just talk to God as if you are talking to your closest friend. He longs to hear your voice, no matter how faint it is. Set yourself before Him with passionate worship for protection against the enemy and for sanctification. As it says in Romans 12:11: Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.”

5. Drink Water:  

Pray at all times and be comforted by the power of the Holy Spirit, which is said to be the place of living water. The Holy Spirit is “groaning” with us when we are “groaning within us”.  It knows our strengths, weaknesses, and teaches us how to operate in God’s will when we can’t figure it out. In Romans 8:26 “ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groan”. So He knows how to help us and walk us through the dry season. 

6.  Find Nourishment:

Live on God’s word trough intense meditation and be obedient to what the Holy Spirit reveals to you through it. If it convicts you to cut certain things out of your life, abide in it. I’m still struggling with this and have a long way to go. But pray and trust that the Lord only disciplines those whom he loves and know that He will help you do it.

Anyways, that’s all I have to say. I know, like my last post, this blog sadly has turned into yet another novel. But I try to do it all for the glory of Christ’s name. So hopefully, this helps anyone going through a dry season. Remember that Jesus is faithful and He will never give us more than we can bear. All of this is done in order to do a greater working in our lives. Thus, God alone may be glorified in the lives of those who dare to dwell with Him in barren places.

I always hold onto this promise from Isaiah 35:3-6:

Strengthen the feeble hands,
    steady the knees that give way;
⁴ say to those with fearful hearts,
    “Be strong, do not fear;
your God will come,
    he will come with vengeance;
with divine retribution
    he will come to save you.”

⁵ Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
    and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
⁶ Then will the lame leap like a deer,
    and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
    and streams in the desert.

So take courage! Press in and maintain fellowship with God! The pain of the wilderness may be too much for you right now, but greater is the significance it has in your life.  I hope that the Lord continues to be with you and gives you the strength you need to bear this season.

In Christ’s love,

Sas

JESUS' EYES OF FIRE: ARE WE EXTINGUISHED OR IGNITED?

INTRODUCTION: 

Over this past summer, I was given the amazing opportunity to do a Night Watch internship at the Toronto House of Prayer. It took place over a three-month period, where I had to radically shift my lifestyle and consecrate myself before the Lord by staying up three nights a week to pray, worship, fast, and have bible study. Although I was very hesitant at first to do it, I am eternally grateful to our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, for giving me the strength to endure such a stressful season.

One of the teachings that I had received involved learning about the Book of Revelation.  In this course, we were asked to study the Vision of the Son of Man in Revelation 1:13-16 and to choose one of Jesus’ attributes in order to compose a sermon declaring this revelation.

The second part of the task was to publish our work through a mode of communication, such as Facebook, YouTube, or Twitter. That’s why I chose to post a blog about it here.

Although, I don’t want to go off topic, I feel it’s important I discuss the reason for my examination into the following topic. When I began my study into the Word of God, I found that a lot of teachings rarely speak on the subject of God Himself. There are several sermons on how to receive a greater blessing from God or how to live in a godly manner, but rarely are there discussions on the attributes of God or His characteristics. This prompted a huge question in my mind, “How can we love someone that we don’t even know?”

In Matthew 10:27, Jesus tells the disciples, “What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs”.  Most of the time God gives us whispers or just a hint of information, about who He really is and His purpose for our lives. Yet, we often forget that the Holy Spirit is the one that guides us in this pursuit and delights to reveal God to us. Though it may take great resolve and patience to delve deep into the Word of God, I believe that the Spirit gives us grace to seek God out.

Accordingly, my prayer for this message is that I hope it will enlighten your minds and more importantly, your hearts, towards the love that God has for us. I also pray that your hearts will be stirred to continue to seek after God through reverent meditation of His Word.



TOPIC: 

The Book of Revelations is the final book in the New Testament and is considered to be one of the most sacred texts within Christian theology. The Apostle John, who was a long-standing disciple of Jesus Christ, is accredited to being the author of this book.

In the first chapter of the Book of Revelations, the Apostle John recounts the vision of his first encounter with Jesus on the Island of Patmos. Within the second-half of the passage, John begins to describe the physical appearance of Jesus Christ.

The attribute that particularly fascinates me the most would be His eyes. As seen in Revelations 1: 14, which states: “His head and hair were white like wool, as white as snow, and his eyes were like blazing fire.“ That will be the focus of this blog, “His eyes were like a blazing fire”.


THE BLAZING FIRE: DEFINITION

When you think of a blazing fire, what is the first thing that comes to mind?

The blazing flame is like an intense fire that is continuously burning and can never be put out.  Fire is exciting and spontaneous! It draws peoples’ attentions; no one can run away during the times of a fire, we are awestruck by the engulfing blaze. We try to look away, but cannot, because it captures our focus.

We see a similar incidence in the Bible occurred with Moses and the burning bush. It drew his attention and God knew what would make Moses take notice of the Lord’s calling upon His life. Likewise, God knows what it takes to fix our gaze towards Him.


REFERENCE IN BOOK OF REVELATION: 

The peculiar case, however, in the book of Revelation is that His eyes are mentioned on three separate occasions.  This is unusual, because there are only a few characteristics of Jesus that are mentioned this many times. Therefore, it is a point worth noting.

Many people might read this verse and assume that this is a figurative statement. But this isn’t just figurative; it’s a reality of His personhood. It is an aspect we encounter when the fullness of His glory is revealed to us and this is when His eyes of fire are exposed. The Scriptures often tell us to seek His face and in doing so, we seek to look upon His eyes as well.  In our life right now, we won’t be able to see the burning stare of His eyes, but we can feel it.

Similarly, in Luke 24:32, Jesus encounters the disciples on the road to Emmaus, but His identity is hidden from them at the time. Although, they were not aware of His true form, they did indeed feel the impact and power of His gaze upon them as they walked.

They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?” (Luke 24:32)

From my own personal experiences, I felt the same way when Jesus first began working in my heart. The power of His gaze overcame me in many aspects of my life, but it mostly affected me in terms my social relationships with others. I especially felt His gaze upon me when I would associate with people from other religious backgrounds. I’m not saying that hanging out with unbelievers is a bad thing, because I do learn a lot about other beliefs and it gives me opportunity to spread the Gospel. But, I did feel that through my experiences, I became more mindful of how the people closest to us can have a great influence on our actions.

When we begin to wholeheartedly seek after God and encounter Him on a daily basis in our lives, He empowers us to remove the things that hinder our affections towards Him.


WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US? 

There are many different ways to interpret this Scripture, but four of them really hit home for me.


(1) THE OMNISCIENCE OF JESUS: 

Mainly, His eyes in this verse speak of God’s ability to see every thing. Many Christians acknowledge this fact, however, the implications of such an attribute can be quite vast.   Jesus is omniscient.  This term is used to describe the capacity to possess all knowledge or to know everything that there is to know. He sees the full truth of everything that exists in creation with respect to what is good and what is considered evil. There is no distortion in His gaze and He is able to do this all the time.

This is seen in Psalm 139: 2: “You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.” King David speaks earnestly to God and reveals one of the greatest secrets for the power of his consistent love. David knew that God’s eyes were always on him. He knew that God knew his motives, thoughts, and even the implications of his actions.

Later in Psalm 139:4, David alludes to the fact that God knows his every thought before he even intended to speak the words that came forth from his mouth. “Before a word is on my tongue, you, Lord, know it completely ” (Psalm 139:4).

The implication of understanding this is that it profoundly affects the way we relate to God, because it fosters more maturity in our intimacy with God. We begin to become more conscientious of every action, intention, thought, or word and determine whether these things align with Christ. The knowledge of His eyes always being upon us moves our hearts to abide in Him.


(2) TO EXAMINE OUR HEARTS:

The reason for His expansive and vast love is that He wants to change us that we can again be with Him. This is the only way to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. He wants us to examine the content of our hearts and make sure that it aligns with God’s heart.

As it is written in Hebrews 4:3:

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

Jesus is the tester of our hearts! He wants to see the full extent of our love for Him, are we truly seeking His heart or are we simply longing to satisfy the desires of this world.

I was reading a blog posting by Steve Bremner, with regards to Jesus’ eyes of fire. It refers to God as an assayer. This is an occupation where an individual tests the metal or ore of its components and the purity of its composition in order to determine its value. When there is any defilement in metal, the metal is put through a burning fire in order to become purified.

God is the same way!

Jesus’ eyes are not only pure, but they in turn work to purify our hearts. He examines our hearts, in order to understand the level of faith that we have in Him so as to fulfill His will in our lives. Also, he allocates us with more sanctification in our life that can be useful to us later on in other circumstances.

In one of his Daily Devotions, Oswald Chambers elaborates on the topic of Holiness. I think he put this contention that God has for man to be holy in the best way:

“The one thing that matters is whether a man will accept the God Who will make him holy. At all costs a man must be rightly related to God.

Do I believe I need to be holy? Do I believe God can come into me and make me holy? If by your preaching you convince me that I am unholy, I resent your preaching. The preaching of the gospel awakens an intense resentment because it must reveal that I am unholy; but it also awakens an intense craving. God has one destined end for mankind, viz., holiness. His one aim is the production of saints. God is not an eternal blessing- machine for men; He did not come to save men out of pity: He came to save men because He had created them to be holy. The Atonement means that God can put me back into perfect union with Himself, without a shadow between, through the Death of Jesus Christ.” 

Like a piercing fire, God looks at the condition of our heart and gives this penetrating gaze into it. In this way, He is able to give clear and precise judgment, because as it says in the verse there is nothing hidden from Him. His judgment is of clarity, because unlike fleshly eyes, He can see everything that is good or bad in a person’s life. There is no confusion in His judgment, because He knows all and therefore has no partiality even towards the smallest implication in a person’s life.

This has increased my fear for God, because I realize now that His eyes are on me to act accordingly in righteousness. His eyes are a burning stare that no one can escape. We should feel honoured that a God like ours would burn with such jealously for us!  At the same time, He knows everything we do both on the outside to the world and in the inside of our hearts. This should be the pivotal force that allows us to mature in our intimacy with God. That is why it is so important to know the Word since it reveals so much of God’s character and His heart towards the commandments of what is right and what is wrong. Since we have to be accountable to Him on the Day of Judgment, not mankind.  Believe me, the last thing God wants is for us to suffer eternal damnation in hell.

That is why He needs to know are we for Him or against Him?

As it says in Malachi 3:2: “Who can endure the day of His coming? And who can stand when He appears? For He is like a refiner’s fire and like launderers’ soap” 

He wants to determine who is worthy of entering into His kingdom through judging their level of faith and their level of commitment in fulfilling His Father’s will on earth. He wants to know whether they followed His commands wholeheartedly or were all their deeds for Him in vain. But I want to make this point very clear, we DO NOT preserve by our own strength, but are preserved by the undying faithfulness of God. It is not by works, since our righteous deeds appear as filthy rags before God (Isaiah 64:6), but rather did we walk in faith with Jesus till the end.

The Lord seeks to see the spiritual condition of our hearts. If it is for Him, He can do His work in us and allow us to partner with Him in fulfilling the will of His Father. If not, then we simply live in this life, enjoying the worldly pleasures of this world and merely waste away.

WHAT DOES GOD TEST US FOR? 

So how does God examine the content our hearts?

He Tests Us.

No, this is not a written exam and God doesn't do this to punish us.  Jesus tests us, because He ultimately wants to make us better. His intention is to purify us and at times, He does this through trials and tribulations. Many Christians often forget that like a loving father, God disciplines us out of love. We must suffer at times to be prepared to be in His presence during the judgment.

So these eyes of fire represent the refinement that God has in us that makes us turn to gold. It brings us back to how God works within the inner workings of our heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. He does this through various circumstances, trials or tribulations that He places in our lives in order to help build our character and ultimately conform us to the image of His Son. Many Christians may refer to this fire as the “Refiner’s fire”.

This is seen in Psalms 66:1: “For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.”

As we draw closer to God and begin to understand the true depravity of our sins, it can be quite convicting. This fire touches every aspect of our lives; it touches our minds, our hearts, our intentions, and it purifies our mind. This is the only way we can seek His face, when we have been purified by the fire of God.

Jesus tests us with his eyes of fire, “so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13)


But this is only one side of our Lord! He deals in judgment too!


(3) GOD’S RIGHTEOUS JUDGEMENT: 

The most prominently held view of this would be that His blazing eyes of fire connotes His righteous judgment. This is considered to be the most negative dimension of  Jesus' eyes of fire,  because He has he ability to view every aspect of our lives. The first thought in our minds is fear. But this is due to our lack of knowledge in understanding the goodness in God's ability to see everything.  His judgment also reflects a positive facet of God’s love, which gives us the power to step away from our immoral actions and intentions and rather seek Him.

Usually, we associate fiery eyes with anger. One look at that kind of expression on a person’s face would make us run in the opposite direction and hide for dear life!

In fact, John, referred to as the one whom Jesus loved, yet when Jesus revealed Himself before him, he actually fainted as though he were dead. His stare is something that we cannot contain. It is something that is so powerful that even men, like Daniel, who were so filled with the Spirit of God, could not even bear the weight of God’s divine glory.

Moreover, countless instances in the Old Testament reveal God’s righteous judgment as a fire as well.

In Genesis 19:24, Sodom and Gomorrah witnessed this kind judgment as fire consumed the entire city. Furthermore in Exodus 9:20, when Moses asked Pharaoh to let the Israelites go, God had ensued His great punished upon Egypt, when He made hail mingled with fire come from the sky. This continues even into the vision that was seen by Daniel had seen of Jesus and how His eyes are like the torches of fire

  A commentary from John MacArthur on this passage states that the many crowns that is referred to later on in this verse pertains to the many crowns that God will attain when He subdues all the dark powers of authority on the earth. The eyes of God are piercing and seek to bring forth righteousness into the world.

As it is written in Psalms 89:14: “Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.”

Reference to Revelation:

In this context, I believe that His eyes of blazing fire represent the judgment that God will pour out on the earth during the time of His coming. My reasoning for this is that the verse also refers to His sovereign authority on the earth.

We can also come to this conclusion, because a similar situation is seen later in the book of Revelation, when Jesus begins to address the Church of Thyatira.  In Revelation 2: 18-19, Jesus declares,  “To the angel of the church in Thyatira write: “These are the words of the Son of God, whose eyes are like blazing fire and whose feet are like burnished bronze.  19 I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first.”  In this context, His eyes have fire reveal both a negative and positive connotation, because it discusses His desire to remove the immortality out of the church of Thyatira.  On the one hand, His eyes of fire will impart judgment upon the lives of believers that will not denounce their depraved ways. But He will also use these same eyes to empower the believers that choose to renounce the wickedness in their hearts and choose to abide in Him. Thus, these eyes will gradually impart the glory of God and help strengthen them on their journey towards Christ.

The first judgement sounds pretty harsh, doesn’t it? Such judgments are also the reason why many Christians are afraid to the read the book of Revelation. But the reason for these decrees is of great importance. At this time, there was a false teaching within the church of Thyatira, Jesus alludes to this false doctrine in Revelation 2:20: “Nevertheless, I have this against you: You tolerate that woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality and the eating of food sacrificed to idols”. In essence this religious movement assumed that since they were living in the grace of God, they were ultimately more spiritual than they were physical. Therefore, their sins of sexual immorality or false idol worship would not be judged with such severity, because they knew so much about God. In fact, it was called Gnosticism. It was a prominent heretic movement in the second century Christian church, which stipulated that salvation could be gained through secret knowledge or works. But this is strongly against Christian doctrine, which states that “8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.”(Ephesians 2: 8-9).

Out of all the judgments that Jesus declares against the seven churches, I think this one frightens me the most. Since many Christians today are actually living with this false reality!  We always are so quick to assume that Jesus would never do this, because we are enshrined by His infinite grace. Well, Jesus says that He will and I’m going to stick with Jesus. This may not be God’s primary way of waking us up. But if we have been warned enough times, then it is within His righteous authority and wisdom that He act in this way in order to prevent us from committing further destruction to ourselves.

During these times when His absolute righteousness and His justice will be seen through judgment, it will be impossible to carry on if we do not acknowledge that we are one of His children.


(4) GOD’S BURNING DESIRE FOR FELLOWSHIP WITH US: 

This brings me to my last point. Although this aspect of His eyes may not correspond with the context of this particular verse, I do feel it’s worth mentioning. Since we are on the topic of His eyes, there is another attribute of His eyes that need to be addressed: THEY LONG FOR US.

The reason why He observes us, tests us, and judges us is not so that He can condemn us. No, my beloved brothers and sisters, it's because He loves us. As it says in Hebrews 12:7: "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?"

These fiery eyes represent God’s intensity, His longing and fervent desire to be with us! Other instances in Scripture state that the eyes of God are jealous fire and they are longing for the day when the desires of our hearts solely rely upon His guidance. Even the innermost and hidden parts of our hearts that we conceal from others are solely for Him.

In Exodus 20:5, it states: “ You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me”.

Again, in 2 Chronicles 16:9: "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war.”

So why does God do this? He is God after all; He is all knowing and self-sufficient. Then why would he need humans to fix their gaze on Him?

The simple answer is that He Is Worthy of our adoration and devotion towards him.

He is the great King and the Almighty creator of the Heavens and all the dwells within the universe and earthy realm!! So He should definitely be given praise for that!

But also, He yearns for the time when He is able to express His burdens into our hearts and to understand the pain of His sorrows.

More importantly, His eyes seek out to find an intimate relationship with us, where He is able to impart His knowledge and wisdom to us that we may be able to do His will on earth. His main concern is the restoration of His relationship with humanity, so that to be with Him once again. This is the very reason why God chose to sacrifice His son and allowed him to suffer through the ultimate sacrifice upon the cross.  As it states in Song of Songs 8:6:

“Place me like a seal over your heart,
    like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
    its jealousy[a] unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire,
    like a mighty flame.[b]”

In our modern world, we emphasize this point. Since we are living in a time of God’s infinite grace, which is bestowed upon us as a free gift to mankind through Jesus’ death and resurrection. As such, we have the opportunity to respond to God’s abounding and perfect love, which He gives to all without condition. That is, if we choose to accept it.

This reminds me of the story in Daniel 3. When Daniel’s friends Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were in the fiery furnace and the angel of Lord (Jesus) was in there with them. The reason for His appearance was that he longed to be with humanity, he longed to see us. Jesus saw the magnitude of their faithfulness and wanted to be with them, because they loved Him so much that they would be willing to give up their lives for Him.

Likewise, He is yearning for the time to be with us and for us to realize the expanse of His great love and affection for humanity. In this way, we can abide in His love and once again be with Him.


FINAL THOUGHTS:

So God’s blazing eyes of fire bring light into this world and allow for the darkness of our hearts to be seen, because darkness cannot stand in the presence of light. He allows the light to come into us, which then brings truth and conviction in our lives. Jesus is gentle, but yet convicting. We must realize this. That in order to be with God, we must be formed according to His likeness. Many will run away from these piercing eyes and instead hide themselves in condemnation. But I sincerely advise against this. God does this to make us better. The deeper the piercing stare of His eyes, the greater the work done in our hearts.

So the question is, when God confronts you on that day, will you be willing to look into His eyes?

I know that in my walk with Christ, I am so far from this point and I definitely need to work on a lot of my own faults. But God, in His grace and loving mercy, has brought a lot of my sins to the surface. Many of which I still battle through daily. The days when I feel my transgressions are ever before me and I can't face God.  I know I still need to study the Word of God a lot more, pray more, and to have a heart of constant repentance, before I can even begin to discuss such things.  But, I know that if I trust in Jesus, He can help me get through the weakest of my days. Anyways, this post is starting to become a book, but before it does, I just want to say God bless!