Writer’s Note: This post is a direct continuation to a piece published here a year ago titled One Year Later, the idea of which was inspired by UTSC’s Dear First Year Me video. If you have not read it yet, I highly suggest doing so before proceeding with the entry below. Think about it as a novel of some sorts with two parts to it, one that creatively paints my testimony about my stay at UTSC ACF. All that aside, glory be to God as He continues to change me but by His grace.
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Dear First Year Me,
Okay, I understand how you’re probably irritated at me right now. I mean, who wakes up at 8:00 AM on a Friday? (Looking on the brighter side of things, TGIF!) But before you change your mind about joining the prayer meeting or not, let me continue to reason with you how joining UTSC ACF this morning will be the best decision you’ve made during your stay at UTSC. Go ahead, turn on the TV and grab some pizza while I continue the story.
This part will hurt a lot, but hear me out on this: God will use this fellowship to break apart who you think you are as a follower of Christ and as a person. By the end of your first year with them, you’ll find yourself in the running for the body’s leadership. Thinking you have what it takes to lead you’ll accept your nomination, come in to election day with Matt Chandler-like swagger, and have the mindset that you already had the position locked in.
The next day, however, while sharing some BBQ wings the mood will drastically change. You’ll be told that you didn’t get elected. In the days that will pass, you’ll see yourself defaulting to the comfort of your home and your XBOX 360 while contemplating on what could’ve been. Someone close to you who got elected to the team will remind you that position is not important in serving God. It’ll take a while for you to understand what this person meant, you'll just want the exam season to end and to get out of UTSC for the summer as soon as you could. As if the academic load wasn’t enough, the disappointment you’ll feel will make you want to leave even more.
And there you’ll be, broken and desperate for answers that only God and His sovereign will can provide. Yet a month later, as much as you’d want to not be in school, you’ll find yourself there anyway but for another reason: someone will be starting a small group for the guys. You know how this discipleship model works, thus it’ll be a no-brainer for you to join. The healing process will start, but not in the way you’ll expect it. The people in the small group will be celebrating your highs and lamenting your lows, yet what you’ll need the most during this season will be a lot of rebuke. It will hurt a lot, but the reproach you’ll be receiving will be beneficial as God will open other opportunities for you to be used, like at your local church’s music worship team. It’ll be by then that you finally understood what was told to you when you felt disappointed about the leadership elections. Knowing that serving God is indeed not about position, the labels attached to you as you serve will no longer matter. You’ll just want to serve.
The rest of the summer will pass quicker than you think, yet not without opportunities to build relationships and memories. During the convocation downtown, you’ll have the opportunity to celebrate with a brother who has successfully finished his stay in the university. As fun as that day will be, it’ll also be a great reminder about how your stay is shorter than you think. You’ll look back to that day knowing that in a couple years’ time, that will be you wearing the same cap and gown. You’d find yourself praying that by then, you would’ve made the most of every moment you’ll have. That day will become an eye-opener to you that above everything else, being in this fellowship is about building relationships and memories that go beyond your stay as a student. A couple days later during the summer retreat, you’ll make it a point to actually build relationships with those around you. And that relationship-building will be facilitated through sharing three days with brothers and sisters in a cottage stripped of almost every comfort you have as a city dweller. Best part is, though, you’ll be getting massive amounts of coffee during breakfast every morning. (No sugar or cream, however.)
By the time you come back to school in the fall, you will have a full change in mindset compared to how you were at the end of your freshman year. And at the get-go, this school year will be different because a couple days in, you’ll be asked by the leadership team to facilitate a small group. To make it less scary for you, you’ll be leading it alongside someone who will be mentoring you. Seeing it as a win-win setup, discipling others while being discipled yourself, you’ll accept it disregarding your weaknesses knowing that God’s grace has you covered. Sometime down the year, you’ll question yourself if you’re even being effective. But a reminder about what this is really about will keep you going; it is not about effective communication skills or knowing your Bible from cover to cover, it is about letting God use you to speak life into others.
The rest of the year will pass as you find yourself having opportunity after opportunity to serve and to build relationships. During the Christmas break, you’ll find yourself in an unfortunate situation through having your home lose its power supply because of the ice storm. The timing is very unfortunate knowing you’ll be leading music worship both in your local church and at the winter retreat the same week. Yet it is in these moments that you’ll see how relationships matter the most as a brother will open up his place for you to stay for a night. You’ll be reluctant at first, but going home the next day once your house has power again, you’ll be thankful for his hospitality. (You know who you are, brother. Thank you very much. Major props as well to another fellowship member who also took care of me that day, and to a couple others who constantly checked up on me during that time.)
Getting worn out during the holidays will make you reflect upon how much you serve once the winter term starts. And as much as being in the spotlight as a music worship leader is one of your greatest passions, you’ll challenge yourself for a season by stepping away from it. Leaving for a season will mean focusing on other things, like your small group which at this point will be totally up to your leading. It will also mean reflecting upon what the purpose of worship really is; not just serving with time and talents but a response to the Gospel and its implications upon us sinful men and women. As you visit various conferences during the free time you will have, you’ll discover different traditions from the hymns-and-keyboard-only to ones that almost look like those worship concerts you grew up listening to. The approaches may vary differently, yet the rationale remains the same.
The rest of the winter semester will go down to be brutal because of the weather, yet fun because of the memories you’ll be able to share. Prior to the end of the year, you’ll find yourself yet again in the same position as you were during your freshman year: a nominee for a possible leadership role. Taking all the lessons you've learned from what will be a roller coaster type of a year, you’ll carefully pray and discern this time if you should accept it again. And after much consideration you’ll find yourself stepping up, this time with little to almost no confidence coming in to election day. (You’ll be shaking so much, you’d be joking around after that you’ve never been so thankful for podiums your entire life until that moment!) Contrary to last year, this time by you’ll be elected. Initially, you’ll feel elated about the opportunity. Yet when it sinks in, you’ll realize how this will not be about what you can bring to the table, but what God can do through your strengths and weaknesses.
You’ll leave UTSC for the summer that year excited for your junior year, as well as taking in the lessons you’ve learned from the year that will pass. That when serving in the body of Christ, it is not about your position or the label attached to your service. It is, rather, about a continuous offering of oneself as a living sacrifice. Such position is in light of what your Father has done for a man like you who once stood opposed to Him. Beyond that, being in the fellowship is about building relationships and sharing life together with those around you. Yes, it will be messy from time to time. But as I’ve said to you before, the investments you’ll make here will come back to you in a way you’d least expect it.
So go ahead. Put on your best outfit, grab that fresh cup of Tims, and get to the prayer meeting today as soon as you could. Who knows what you’ll miss out.
In Christ Alone,
JohnDy