Last weekend, I went on a retreat with Jian to Brock University to hear Paul Washer speak. It was intense and there was quite a bit to take in, but I definitely found it to be fruitful and profitable.This is just a brief post on some of the things I learned.
One thing I was really convicted of during this retreat was my lack of maturity. Paul Washer spoke of how there are so many people who talk about what they want and desire, but do they really? I know I’ve been saying that I want to desire God more, but do I really? If this has any truth in my life, it should be proven by letting go of things that hinder me in my Christian walk. Those who have deep communion with God want Him more than everything else and are willing to give up everything else for it. I was reminded that “falling” into sin is more like sliding; it starts with little compromises in our lives. How often do I try to rationalize the seemingly little things! One of the things I was convicted of was my neglect of reading the Bible and spending time in prayer. Another thing I came to a greater realization of is that I am not really honouring my parents. They are getting old and I’m the only one they have, yet I am not nearly as helpful as I can be to them.
The importance of having a proper understanding of God’s attributes was one of the first things preached on, and it was actually one of my main takeaways as well. I was reminded that it is crucial to cling to God’s wisdom. Although I would be quick to agree that God’s wisdom is far greater than ours, I realized that I don’t always make decisions accordingly. An example I can think of is how I am not always wise with my words. How often do I rely on my own wisdom instead of seeking God in prayer and going through Scripture before opening my mouth?
I want to briefly talk about depression. Although there’s still a lot I don’t know, I have my experiences to offer. I’ve had periods of depression from time to time that have sometimes been for no apparent reason. I have experienced depression before I was saved, but it was substantially different. The kind of depression I have experienced before was much more grim--it felt like complete hopelessness. The down periods I’ve experienced more recently felt more like growing tired of the daily drudge and lacking motivation. I don’t know if it’s completely related, but I also experienced irrational doubts about the goodness of God. Something I’ve realized recently is that what I was going through was at least somewhat related to having unmet expectations in life. After listening to Paul Washer speaking about this, I’ve realized that there is no rational reason for letting these thoughts and feelings take hold of me. Having life in Christ is something of endless worth--more than enough reason to have joy in Him and continue to live for Him.
Paul Washer gave a great illustration of God’s mercy and grace. Imagine a dead man; dead in the fullest sense of the word. He is lying at the bottom of a cesspool filled with his own blood and bodily fluids. Now imagine that you are that man. This is our own spiritual condition before regeneration by the Holy Spirit. By God’s mercy, we are taken out of the cesspool of our sin; by His grace, we are given eternal life in Him. As I imagined myself being lifted up from this pit of destruction and being crowned with life, I realized that I often forget the gravity of God has done and the greatness of what Christ has accomplished for us.
Paul Washer offered an illustration that really resonated with me. Imagine getting hit in the chest by a car and surviving. When you wake up in the hospital, it’s painful to breathe. Does that mean you stop breathing? Of course not. No matter what difficulties we face, if we’re truly born again, it ultimately makes no sense to give up on everything. Even when I spiral down into habitual slothfulness, although it is difficult to get out of it, I’ve started to remind myself of the importance of being diligent. Remaining saturated in Scripture, which gives us everything for faith and godliness and equips us for every good work (2 Tim 3:16-17), is of utmost importance in our Christian walk, along with spending time in prayer for our daily supplication. I know that I’ve neglected these things, and it made me think about how it stems from not being able to even come close to fully fathoming the greatness of God. I learned recently that God’s glory is inexhaustible; there is still more of it to see even after we enter heaven. What a privilege it is to have fellowship with our God and see more and more glimpses of the glory of our God as we continue to grow in Him.