My thoughts.

As I write this blog, I worry it's more from my flesh than for His glory. Even that statement alone worries me.

I have a lot bottled within me, friends, school, work, church, my family and just all my brokenness. I want to start of stating, I am spiritually, physically and mentally drained. But I have to say, I enjoy every second of it. Sometimes I want to cry out and I do at times and to be honest, I love it. Every tear I cry signifies something great, something worth crying over. When Jesus was crucified, many (probably all) of his followers cried and those tears that they shed, should be shed from our eyes, too. So if I have one thing to cry over or about, it should be the cross. I pray I can and will understand the cross better.

One thing I really really really ask God for, is to be more like Christ himself. But the problem is, I am not actually willing to be like him. It's funny isn't it? When I pray to be more like Jesus, I have come to realize, I'm just seeking for knowledge more than continuous sanctification and repentance. I mean yeah, I would like to tweak and change a few things here and there, my temper, my pride, my lack of patience, self-righteousness and the list goes on and on and on. What about the one Jesus makes extremely clear? Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your Soul and with all your Mind & Love your neighbors as you love yourself (More than yourself).

On the surface it looks a little easy and yeah, I try. But in reality, this is the layout of the narrow road we are to walk on. The rich young ruler who was nice and neat on the outside, willing to give up some of his wealth etc... But when it really came down to it, God or Money, he couldn't do it. I feel the same way.

In class when we touch on "God or religion", I think I have the "right" answer and feel convicted to speak, but I just can't do it. When I'm driving home and someone cuts me off, I like to test my engine. When I worry about people judging me, I judge them.When someone bumps into me, I get too prideful to not look back with a grin. When I should be spending time with God, I don't. When I should be loving those around me, I don't. In a days time, I have done all this. Tell me, is this how Christ looks like?

But this isn't even what I wanted to say.

I was listening to a sermon on the Rich man and Lazarus (By D.A Carson) a few nights ago, and I felt convicted of something that was said.

The Rich man found his worth in his wealth, Luke 16:19 "there was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day".

"purple and fine linen" = expensive. No need to be dressed in it, but he did. Purple dye was expensive, because there were only two (very expensive) ways to make it during biblical times. Thus, dressed in purple and fine linen (his undergarments were probably purple) had a hedonistic and symbolic value to it as it identified wealth. Also, living in luxury everyday, self-explanatory (indulging in worldly things). This is what he knew and that's what he desired. It's clear that his worth came from the eyes of men.

Now, it's not to say owning nice things and being wealthy is a bad thing. By no means! wow, I just realized I can't fully explain what's going through my brain without summarizing the sermon. haha. Main point, putting value in anything other than God is pure idolatry.

Idolatry is not exclusive to money, it's also to someone, education (obsessed over it), PERSONALITY, your character. The list goes on and on. This is what breaks my heart, my heart is not fully in God. I idolize so many things, I even idolize myself, the greatest sin, taking away God's glory for my own gain. I think at times that I am not so bad, other times I look to others and say "check out what 'I' can do". Worst, I even think to myself, check out what I can do for Him.

If I value God "so much", if he is my all and if my value is in Him, why do I still live the way that I do? And how do I kill the idols in my life? The easy answer is Jesus, but getting there is what kills me. My flesh won't allow me to, but my spirit so wants to.

So I have to question and ask myself, how much of the cross do I understand? If I know the gospel, if I know a little bit of truth and I say I love Christ, how come I don't know how to abound in what I have? Why do I care so much about the eyes of men, when He made it known that he does not look at the outward appearance but the heart?  How come I still do the things that I do, when Christ already fully paid for it on that cross? So the command, love God and those around me, am I living it? I guess this is the great mercy He has on all of us, while we still sin and fill our hearts with things other than Him, He allows us to repent and to be sanctified.

Each and everyday, I see more visibly the purple linens I wear around my body and if im not fighting it with Christ and the Holy Spirit , then, I am losing this race.

Why Judas? Just why?

A year or two ago, this topic captured my thoughts and I've been trying to come to grips with this ever since.

Jesus had 12 disciples. He picked all of them. One of them was Judas Iscariot.
This should be no spoiler, but Judas betrayed Jesus by turning Jesus in to the officials and that eventually lead to His crucifixion.

So have you also ever wondered why Jesus would pick Judas in the first place, Jesus being God and knowing all things?
Judas wasn't even one of the many disciples (often 70-80) that followed Jesus, but he was one of the closer bunch, the Twelve. This meant that Judas lived, ate, talked, travelled, etc. with Christ for 3 consecutive years.
That is 3 full years, 36 months, 156 weeks, 1095 days, or countless hours of Jesus pouring and investing into the lives of these 12 men, among whom was Judas.
Why would you give so much when you know that this guy is a lost cause? How could anyone live with, dine with, and make family someone who they knew will stab them in the back later on? Why would you teach them truth you know for sure that they will reject (Jesus is God, so He knew). And why would you let the other disciples put up with him if he won't carry on Christ's work with them? Why would you do all this? Why would Jesus pick Judas in the first place?
Just why?

What's more intriguing (or disturbing) is that Jesus had placed Judas as the group's financial officer. Judas was in charge of the money. Jesus knew his heart. Jesus knew that he wasn't the most honest guy around. Jesus knew that he would, at times, take some of the money for himself. Jesus knew that he would make excuses about giving to the poor to pocket a few funds here and there.
Why would you place such a person in charge of your whole group's finances? Why would you even trust such a person?

On and on and on and on...
We can keep asking questions as to why Jesus would pick Judas; why Jesus would love Him; why He would show him so much grace.

This is not to say that we should be unwise with our decisions, be irresponsible with our resources, time, and people we've been entrusted, or the like.

The remarkable lesson here is that Jesus loved unconditionally.
Jesus gave Judas much more than he deserved. He showed Judas immeasurable grace.
And Jesus showed Judas undeniable value and made him one of His own.

How many of us would do such a thing? What about the Judas figures in our life?
When God calls us to love them, do we question God and ask,

"I'll love them all...but why Judas? Just why?"

Jesus did. And God has given us His Spirit. So will we love as He did?

Oh and...we betray Jesus like Judas did too pretty often. So the next time you see another "Judas," cut them some slack and love them like Jesus did.

One Year Later

Dear First Year Me,

At this point of the year, you are about to make one of the greatest decisions you’ve ever made to this day. Exhausted and reluctant, you'll find yourself at an ACF prayer meeting on a cold November Friday morning. You'll be reluctant coming in, but you'll be blessed coming out. You'll feel immediately welcomed; you'll be prayed for, and most of all, you’ll find yourself immediately surrounded by such an awesome group of brothers and sisters in Christ. Without a second thought, you’ve immediately committed yourself to this fellowship. Just like what the person who invited you said over text, this fellowship indeed felt like family.

You’ll find yourself taking in so much in so little time. You’ll immediately realize that the body of Christ on campus is much bigger than you think it is. ACF alone doesn’t give justice who made the ultimate sacrifice just to make God's name known on campus. At Unity Worship Night, you’ll find yourself surrounded by many who also decided to follow Jesus, as the hymn of old would go. You’re going to sit back after that evening with so much to take in yet again. And by then, you have realized how the Kingdom of God is indeed at work contrary to the pessimistic notions you had before.

You’ll find yourself day by day being transformed as you dive yourself deeper into the fellowship. The man that once was a two-faced, lukewarm Christian will become history. You’ll take your relationship with Jesus Christ with more commitment that you’ve had before. You’ll desire more of the Scriptures and even more of what the Gospel really says (not the watered down Bridge to Life deal, though that’s a good starting point).

Coming into ACF at the second half of the fall semester, you’re going to make a last minute decision to join the winter retreat that everyone's talking about. You’ll have the money and the resources to volunteer through music worship, but apart from that you’re in for one of the greatest three days you’ll always look forward to during the start of the year. You’re going to meet a lot of people you’ll become close with, you’ll get to share parts of yourself that you dare not tell everyone else, and most of all, you’re going to have a lot of fun.

And the blessings don’t stop after you have left the retreat to go back to your typical caffeine-driven routine in the city. The relationships you created will be developed even more. Including one in which you’ll be challenged to let go of your pride and be real. It is going to be one of the most awkward encounters you’ll have, but I promise you that showing up there the one day after retreat, is worth it. Then, months down the line, you’ll be really thankful for this person. (You know who you are, and if you’re reading this, allow me to say I’m really blessed to know you and I really praise God for you.)

A couple of months and a lot of memories later, you’ll find yourself in a week-long challenge of making His name known. You'll be required to wear a shirt that makes you stand out from everyone else on the campus. You’ll meet awesome people who made it their week-long mission’s trip to assist the cause you’ve joined. You’ll know Jesus like you’ve never known Him before. You’ll meet radical people who have boldly reached out into the cold world that desperately needs a saviour. You’ll even find yourself in a flashmob at the Student Centre's foodcourt one morning. You’ve never done something like this before. This week will go in a flash, capping it with a trip up the CN Tower with some of the volunteers. After everything has been said and done, you'll wish that you can do it all over again. Yet of all things, you’ve learned something that stuck to your mind ‘til this day – that every day of our lives we have the opportunity to attract people to Jesus not just through explicitly proclaiming His word, but also through our actions. You'll from then on strive to be a better you, not by your own but by His spirit.

The memories go on. I wish I could continue to write here on how making this decision will turn your walk around with Jesus in a really radical way. Yet my words will only give little justice to what joining this fellowship has done to you because you’ll find yourself investing in so much time, energy, and resources to this tight-knit family of brothers and sisters in Christ. But to sum it all up; you were already blessed coming in, but you are going to be even more blessed coming out. The investments you’ve made here will come back to you at a rate you’ll never imagine.

Leading up to this point, you'll realize that you’ve made the best decision of your life as far as being in UTSC is concerned. It's time to make some memories!

Welcome to UTSC's ACF.

JohnDy